Sentience in a seed-pod

Well, here I am. Canada. Land of maple leaves, ice hockey and Celine Dion. Land of British post-colonialism and American cultural colonialism. So, what’s it like, ey?
Well, I don’t feel like crafting a flowing and well-written missive. So I’m not gonna. Instead, witness my “Canadian Points to Ponder”:
The coolest show in the world is “I’m with Busey.”

1. “I’m with Busey” is not Canadian.
   
2. But it is shown here on the comedy channel.
   
3. The comedy channel also shows “The Kids in the Yard”.
   
4. I don’t think that’s actually the name of the show.
   
5. But whatever it’s called, it is Canadian.
   
6. Walking along Bloor Street in downtown Toronto today I walked past a bum. There are a lot of bums here. I walk past bums every day back home in South Africa. They just fade into the background. By bum I mean a homeless person, not someone’s culo. Anyway, the thing is I always feel authority over bums back home in South Africa, so when they ask me for money I shake my head and say no. But here, bums speak with Canadian accents. Suddenly, every bum speaks with the weighty voice of James Earl Jones, or that guy who always does the voiceovers for Paramount pictures. Now I’m fumbling, I’m making excuses… Why? I’m not trying to pick these bums up.
   
7. Or am I?
   
8. The riding on the right side of the road extends to everything. Queues start from the right. People stand on the right side of elevators. It’s confusing as hell.
   
9. The old people here dress funny. They wear mini skirts. They wear luminous blue shirts with olive green jackets and red neckerchiefs. They slick back their hair, or pull it into ponytails.
   
10. There are more foreigners here than Canadians. Well, that’s what it feels like anyway.

Later, girls and boys.