Sentience in a seed-pod

Ok, so some of you may be aware that I was stabbed but not to death on the 16th of December. That I am still here is a tribute to the greatness that is the Geoff.

Here is what happened in precise: This guy came to my car late at night after I had watched a crappy Disney movie. Don't get me started on Disney, people. Anyway, this guy is about 7 feet tall and looks like he eats thumbtacks with whiskey for breakfast. Seriously, his fist was about the size of my head.

Anyway, I was with my friend Gary who is a huge wuss. I can say this about him because I am not scared and also he is in Australia. Gary loves Disney movies and plays with dolls. The dolls may be a fabrication, but I'll let YOU decide. So this huge monsterous guy asks me for a lift to some place up the road.

Geoff: That's cool wit me, yo.

And he gets in. I'm driving and at the same time working out nucular physics in my head, so understandably I'm a little distracted. Oh, and I'm telling Gary that Disney sucks! So the manmountain in the back tells me that I had reached his destination.

Geoff: That's cool wit me, yo.

When the car stops, the dude turns out to be a dastardly thief! He dastardly stole my lanyard which contained my least valuable possession in the world, my virginity. Or maybe it was a memory stick I CAN'T REMEMBER PEOPLE. There were all kinds of stress bouncing about my vehicle and I blanked out a lot of it. Hypnotherapy has revealed that what happened next was I kicked his ass and he ran away crying like a little girl and also that I was Abraham Lincoln in a previous life.

It seems as if during the scuffle he managed to stab me with a two-handed sword of the type used by medieval mounted warriors known as "knights".

Now I'm sure there are those of you out there going, that is bollocks Geoff, you are so full of shit. But I have pictures biatches:

Now don't you go rubbing one out to these pictures of my body. They are for medical purposes only!