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Artificial articulation with anthropomorphic dexterity
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
So I'm in Joburg right now, which is why I've been so quiet. Joburg is pretty yucky. It's only pretty yucky because there are some redeeming features. If there were no Melville or Greenways, and if you didn't have friends here it would be almost unlivable. People run around here like mad things.
Now, you folks from Joburg might say, "Arg! The pace in Cape Town is too slow. People are too laid back there." Well, I'ma break it down like this: it's because we don't waste time. Joburg people have fast paced lives because they spend like 2 hours in traffic every day, so they have to do all the other stuff faster. Joburg people have to rush to get out because it takes twenty minutes to get out of their closed suburbs and security complexes. Everything here is fucking far. There's not a party district per se, no identified strip where the grass is green and the girls are pretty. There are just individual places which may or may not shine. And the drinks are expensive, because alcohol is very rare here, or perhaps for no reason at all.
While I'm on the subject, let me get it out of my system. The terrain around Joburg is flat and featureless. Don't talk shit to me about kopjes and mine dumps. Your 5 million rand house in the Southern suburbs does not look better because it's set against a burnt out cairn sparsely covered in brown veld grasses. Nor was mauve a positive colour choice. The best advice I can give someone who lives in Joburg is to get out on weekends: drive North to Mpumalanga, my friend, and don't come back till Sunday night. If you like to party, do it in the week between when you leave the gym (8:00pm) and when you lay you down to sleep (1:00am). Do this and you may get your soul back.
Glossary for the International Reader:
Joburg: Johannesburg, Gauteng, a city in Northern South Africa where gold was once discovered.
Melville: A trendy, cheeky, young part of Joburg that is tenable as a place to live.
Kopje: A dutch word that literally means little head: a small hill.
R5 000 000: At the current conversion rate, $867,678.
Mpumalanga: A province North-East of Gauteng where things get green, wet and hilly.
Now, you folks from Joburg might say, "Arg! The pace in Cape Town is too slow. People are too laid back there." Well, I'ma break it down like this: it's because we don't waste time. Joburg people have fast paced lives because they spend like 2 hours in traffic every day, so they have to do all the other stuff faster. Joburg people have to rush to get out because it takes twenty minutes to get out of their closed suburbs and security complexes. Everything here is fucking far. There's not a party district per se, no identified strip where the grass is green and the girls are pretty. There are just individual places which may or may not shine. And the drinks are expensive, because alcohol is very rare here, or perhaps for no reason at all.
While I'm on the subject, let me get it out of my system. The terrain around Joburg is flat and featureless. Don't talk shit to me about kopjes and mine dumps. Your 5 million rand house in the Southern suburbs does not look better because it's set against a burnt out cairn sparsely covered in brown veld grasses. Nor was mauve a positive colour choice. The best advice I can give someone who lives in Joburg is to get out on weekends: drive North to Mpumalanga, my friend, and don't come back till Sunday night. If you like to party, do it in the week between when you leave the gym (8:00pm) and when you lay you down to sleep (1:00am). Do this and you may get your soul back.
Glossary for the International Reader:
Joburg: Johannesburg, Gauteng, a city in Northern South Africa where gold was once discovered.
Melville: A trendy, cheeky, young part of Joburg that is tenable as a place to live.
Kopje: A dutch word that literally means little head: a small hill.
R5 000 000: At the current conversion rate, $867,678.
Mpumalanga: A province North-East of Gauteng where things get green, wet and hilly.
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