Sentience in a seed-pod

I'm going to Dubai at the end of October. Looks like the 29th at this stage.

I'm going because:

• I can.
• I'm bored.
• I don't have to pay tax.
• I can live in an apartment in the sky.
• I can ski at the mall.

So, I'm in Florida at the moment. This means that:

1. It's hot, while my friends back home are cold.
2. I get to watch Jon Stewart every weekday.
3. I have to drive on the right side of the road, and the wrong side of the car.
4. Majorly booooring radio ads.

I'm not kidding people! There is a total of like 2 possible formulae (yes, I did just use the Latin plural. I'm incredibly smart) of ads here. This is ok, because more than half of the ads are for solutions to embarrassing personal ailments anyway. That's not how we kick it in the RSA. I don't wanna know that shit. Go see a doctor or something. Damn!

And what is it with the guy who cannot believe the deal he's getting? He's in every ad. Por examplar:

Mr Can't Believe It: You mean I can get my Herpes medication at half the price?
Voice Of Capitalism: Yup.
The No Way Kid: And you deliver?
Voice Of Capitalism: Yup.
Captain Incredulous: And it's a cream, not a suppository?!
Voice Of Capitalism: Yup.
*sound of head exploding from enthusiasm*

And then they always have to drop in a little joyjoy witticism at the end, viz:

Supersycophant: And will you blow me too?!
Voice Of Capitalism: Now, now - that's how this shit got started in the first place.
*sound of entire nation of America wetting themselves*

Ewww, dudes. Ewww.

The other day they had a guy on TV who got shot and still delivered the rest of his pizzas. The news anchor on American Dawn or whatever was doing her best to turn him into a hero while it became increasingly apparent that it really wasn't that big a deal. Why didn't he go to the hospital? Well it wasn't really that sore, and it wasn't bleeding that much. Whaddaya want? He delivered pizzas. He didn't rescue puppies. Why didn't he get hold of the police? They were busy and he had cash to make. Whatever. Getting shot in the leg isn't pain. Listening to an ad for something that makes your eyes produce more lubricant - that's pain.

According to reports Film and Publications Board CEO Shokie Bopape-Dlomo has slated e.tv for their late night porno ads. "The SABC and e.tv need to stop airing pornographic adverts because these encourage child pornography," she said.

Asked what else e.tv is doing wrong, she said that e.tv's coverage of the Shaik trial encourages "child fraud" and "child corruption".

So here I am in sunny Singapore. Or at least it may be sunny. I can't tell because I'm in the airport. I'm tired and easily impressed right now, but they seem to do a pretty good job of making travellers feel welcome here. I'm on my way to sunny Manila. Or at least it may be sunny, but I just don't know, do I? What am I, a creature of supreme enlightenment? Oh, you've got me there. Alright, it is sunny. Hooray for me. More later if I have a connection from my hotel room. Hooray for you.

I haven't been sleeping normally lately. My sleep patterns were moved later on my trip to New Jersey, and they just haven't shifted back yet. I need a trip in the other direction to readjust. Oh, wait, I'm going to the Philippines soon. Ok, so I'm really struggling to wake up in the morning. I usually struggle a little, now I struggle a lot.

Enter one of the most surreal experiences of my recent life. This morning, languishing in my hotel room, I was woken by a phonecall. Now when I am sleeping and you wake me up, I'm quite good at snapping into action and sounding awake. So I say, hi, this is Geoff speaking. The other side of the line says, oh. Please hold, it says. I get musak. So I'm lying in bed, half asleep, listening to musak and holding for an unidentified person. The audacity! How long am I supposed to hold? The tune wasn't even a lullaby. And in an international treaty breaking move, it was not by Kenny G.

Hello. My name is Geoff. You may remember me from such entries as precede this one. I've realised that y'all may be labouring under a misapprehension, and here I am to disabuse you of it, and also to use the word disabuse, which I like quite a lot. It's always a jagged little pill for me to swallow that we are judged not only by what we say, but also what we don't say. It's true though. Gulp.

Anyway, so the fact that I haven't had anything to say here for a while may have led you to believe that I was all broken up about the fact that I was all broken up with. I wasn't. Honest.

What I have had is an acute case of bloggers' block followed by a massive dose of going places and seeing people. I write this now from my fortress of foreign flitting in Lagos, Nigeria, possibly my favourite place in the world (but probably not). So, don't cry for me .

If anything, Sentience is seasonal. This may be the beginning of a new golden age of blogging by me. But who knows, right? How will I alienate my readers if I'm consistent?

Posted by: Geoff / 04:46 (1) comments

Local couple split

CAPE TOWN - Geoff and Tracy will no longer be associated in a romantic context, Tracy announced Tuesday. Tracy sited irreconcilable differences, but stated that Geoff is "still a really amazing guy".

When asked for comment, Geoff admitted that he was taken aback, and described the move as "sudden". Despite this, Geoff stated that it was a neat resolution and that he was relieved that they could remain friends. "I'm glad I didn't have to come up with the breakup speech," he said.

A friend close to the couple said Wednesday that he was aware of some differences the couple have had with regard to spirituality. "Tracy has an open mind about alternative healing and the existence of a higher plane," he said, whereas "Geoff doesn't give a shit about things like that."

Both parties later issued statements that they had enjoyed their time together, but that it was time to move on.

I'm calling this entry: why can't I?

Ok, people, whiney Geoff is about to throw down and bitch with the best of them because for the purposes of this post we'll pretend like my life is not all wine and roses.

Why can't I get in sync with my toiletries? (Yes, this is the best I can come up with. My issues are important too possums!) No, ok, it's not a big thing, but I think there's something wrong with the way I buy stuff or organise stuff. In fact, my laundry falls into the same category. I'm always buying new toiletries and getting more laundry done. It's as if I'm using shampoo and facewash and wearing all my clothes! Goddamn it!

Why can't I get a haircut? I need a haircut. I want a haircut. It's not like I don't walk past a hairdresser every single day of my life! Why do I not go in? What is this invisible force field that keeps me away?

Why can't I organise stuff at the bank? It would take like half an hour. I could go in at 12 and be sipping a milkshake by 12:40. What is my goddamn problem?